I'M A WEIRD HUMAN SPECIES

I'm only just getting to know myself,  Still discovering who I am Even though I recently just turned 25, I still feel a little 18,  I haven't yet achieved all my dreams I was slow I wasted my time I did all those things I shouldn't have done But guess what, I regret non of it I broke hearts, mine was broken,  I did drugs now I'm sober,  I went out and I want to leave that part just as it is, with the belief that it will get better I only recently just started loving myself and the things this life has had to show me.  And I believe mother earth still has a lot to offer I recently just started appreciating me, and the precious little things I know The little that I got to learn So never give up. I'm getting to do things I never did, write when I never thought I would,  I found a safe haven, And I will not lose this key or share it with anyone so they come and mess it all up for me,  Or maybe just maybe, I am sharing t

Friendship, something that we all crave for, or is it just me?Friendship,a relationship that comes with its own kind of affection and satisfaction. Have you ever asked yourself how many people call you their friends? Have you written a list of those you consider your friend? Well, its not a recommendation or anything, just, I believe you should know where you stand.            Friendship brings along a package of lots of goodies, like understanding, no matter how awkward I am, no matter the situation I am in. Friendship comes with sacrifices, you give your friend some of your time without expecting anything back, you come through for them in the best of your ability when they're in trouble.          It took me quite some time, to know who my real friends are, it took me long enough to realize what kind of a friend I am. I had to improve myself, my attitude towards life, my expectation of people who are in my circle. I had to learn that its not all the time I'll be with my f

 I realize that I give up easily, when things do not seem to go as I want them to, I lose the taste of sugar really fast, , I need honey. I realize that, I think of myself as a perfectionist, yet everything I touch I destroy, no, literally destroy, I try to adjust the clock, and I break its cog, I want to fix omelet for breakfast, I pick two eggs, my hands are too strong, I break the eggs, I’m wearing my pants, I tear them (OK maybe I might have just added some weight).  I am here waiting for the people I need in my life, because I realize that I cannot achieve anything to perfection when am alone . My beliefs change every day and I do not know where I truly stand. So much I want to accomplish, but yet so little time. I need help, a solution to my problems, who will get me out of this hole?  My heart hurts, my brain itches, my tummy clenches, the time is too fast, too slow, I need to add my speed, govern it, I am too fast still. Writing but running out of words, I need more reading.

I'm I powerful enough to control things that happen in my life through my fantasies? It should be possible, I think I am, I should be able to, but how, when there is so much noise in my thoughts, which is hard to comprehend? I'm unsettled, not at ease. I'm haunted and it wont let go of my mind, the only thing I have that helps generate my hopes, my dreams. Sometimes a simple thought gets to my brain, I want so badly for it to happen, it does and its all a déjà vu, sometimes it doesn't, and I do not know if I'm dreaming or not. I am alive but it feels like I'm hallucinating, even when I'm awake. Images that burst out in my head are unclear, my vision seems vague, and I am unable to tell the difference between what's real and what's not. I look into another human being, I stare into those eyes, and I see the stars. Then I realize, that I am a lost soul, trying to express myself, but my voice wont show, I cannot say a word, its a nightmare. Then I w

Yes, I am an obsessive clingy kind of humanoid. You do not want to get involved with me, I will jam up your phone with calls and text messages. All I want is for you to listen to me, look at me, keep an eye on me, love me, hate me, show me the truth of what you really feel, your taste in life, your hearts’ desires so I know what you are all about. Do not make the mistake of giving me your contacts, you will only regret, appreciate it, the fact that I am ready to have you, accept you with all your dirt. Yes I will clean all them up for you, or better yet, have something to put my mind to, trying to solve everything that has been coming your way, will come your way, is in your way. I am so ready so much that I forget my own identity, forget to fulfill my own duties, because it’s about you that I am thinking. The activity you might be doing right now, what you did yesterday, what you will do tomorrow, yes I will not put food into my mouth if you haven’t, I will not eat unless ours is t

My dreams,anticipations,running through my mind, all this when its cold and silent through the night. Loneliness is what I feel,and I cannot achieve when I'm alone. Where did all my friends go? I try to reach them through my phone, but lonely is all I know,  I'm afraid of the things about me that they might have known. So I go through my contacts, who should I call? Do they want to see me in their contact list? Breathe, I keep telling myself, breathe. There must be someone out there who also feels the breeze, Of letting you be the phone contact that rings, Oh why do I feel like this? Someone tell me please, That it's just not me,who clenches my fist, Because I feel so angry at me, at myself You being angry at yourself, Because you know your strength, but are afraid to take a step. Because lonely is your only friend. Eventually you realize, Its freezing in the outside, You've got only you as your warmth inside, Its not lonely, Its just you that