I'M A WEIRD HUMAN SPECIES

 I realize that I give up easily, when things do not seem to go as I want them to, I lose the taste of sugar really fast, , I need honey. I realize that, I think of myself as a perfectionist, yet everything I touch I destroy, no, literally destroy, I try to adjust the clock, and I break its cog, I want to fix omelet for breakfast, I pick two eggs, my hands are too strong, I break the eggs, I’m wearing my pants, I tear them (OK maybe I might have just added some weight).  I am here waiting for the people I need in my life, because I realize that I cannot achieve anything to perfection when am alone . My beliefs change every day and I do not know where I truly stand. So much I want to accomplish, but yet so little time. I need help, a solution to my problems, who will get me out of this hole?  My heart hurts, my brain itches, my tummy clenches, the time is too fast, too slow, I need to add my speed, govern it, I am too fast still. Writing but running out of words, I need more reading.

I'm I powerful enough to control things that happen in my life through my fantasies? It should be possible, I think I am, I should be able to, but how, when there is so much noise in my thoughts, which is hard to comprehend? I'm unsettled, not at ease. I'm haunted and it wont let go of my mind, the only thing I have that helps generate my hopes, my dreams. Sometimes a simple thought gets to my brain, I want so badly for it to happen, it does and its all a déjà vu, sometimes it doesn't, and I do not know if I'm dreaming or not. I am alive but it feels like I'm hallucinating, even when I'm awake. Images that burst out in my head are unclear, my vision seems vague, and I am unable to tell the difference between what's real and what's not. I look into another human being, I stare into those eyes, and I see the stars. Then I realize, that I am a lost soul, trying to express myself, but my voice wont show, I cannot say a word, its a nightmare. Then I w